The Dance – Sociopath and Empath

I am an empath, which to me means I have talents others don’t have and I also have weaknesses. I honestly can’t decide whether or not it’s good or bad to be an empath. It certainly makes me unique! I have experienced things like telepathy, mind reading, psychic visions, etc. without much effort. I can feel people’s emotions and I can relate to them and help them through it. These are all great things and I am grateful that I have these abilities. However, being an empath is also a burden. The world around us is NOT quiet as we are always picking up on something. Even if it is not a conscious thing, there is emotional chatter and energy all around that we FEEL. The worst of the burdens that comes with being an empath is how our emotional energies and abilities make us prime targets for the ruthless sociopath.

empath eyes

People who haven’t been exposed to what a sociopath is may have a wrong impression about how to spot them. In fact, I would say that it is ONLY the empath that SEEs them. Others just don’t SEE it, and that is because sociopaths are MASTERS of manipulation, lies, deceit and they know how to maintain ABSOLUTE control. Sociopaths do not look like Jack Nicholson in “The Shining.” Sociopaths are usually physically attractive men or women who put on a good show of being kind, caring, popular, fun to be around and sometimes charismatic. They don’t have feelings, but they KNOW how to pretend that they do. By watching others, they pick up the gestures, the expressions, etc. to make others believe that they can FEEL. This is how they fly under the radar and this is how they get away with really REALLY bad behavior. To the rest of society they appear to be quite great people to be around.

Having encountered a few sociopaths in my life, I can easily describe what “the dance” is like. Fist comes RECOGNITION. An empath recognizes the sociopath on some level. For me, this recognition has manifested in a variety of ways. Upon first meeting, I have had psychic visions of things ending badly, I have also experienced an internal voice telling the person to “stay away.” Since I work with energy healing, etc. I’ve also felt fear when I connect to their energy, especially through their eyes. There is no emotion in their eyes! But, before these types of radar signals happen is REALLY when the recognition happens. The reason empaths know a sociopath is because they have NO emotional energy or chatter around them. It’s QUIET. This stillness is what raises the alarm bells.

emotionless eyes

The second part of the dance is the PUSH/PULL. The empath instinctively tries to avoid the sociopath, yet on some level they are also drawn to them like a moth to a flame. Every time I’ve met a sociopath there has been some weird behavior on my part where I find myself trying to stay away from them without having a solid reason why. At the same time, however, I usually feel some form of longing to be with them that doesn’t make any sense to me. This causes a lot of internal turmoil and confusion. Why would I avoid and want to be with a person at the same time? The reason is this. An empath wants to be with a sociopath because it’s QUIET around them. It feels like a VACATION from the chatter. So peaceful, so amazing is the feeling of stillness, they are so just drawn to it. The feeling is different and they want to know WHY it’s different – it feels special in some way.

moth to a flame

The reason this becomes a dance is that the sociopath is also attracted to the empath. Since sociopaths don’t have emotions they don’t feel whole within themselves. There is a gaping hole inside and they want to have the emotions that others have to fill it. They want to feel love. They want to feel sadness and happiness too. So, when the sociopath spots the empath, they usually find themselves attracted. I think this is because they instinctively know they NEED whatever the empath has. They start their manipulation by luring the empath in. They use body language, mannerisms, subtle gestures, eye contact, etc. to lure the empath in. And, empaths are unfortunately suckers for this because of their attraction to the QUIET, SPECIAL feeling.

After the sociopath feels they have adequately yet subtly hooked in the empath is when the ATTACK happens. Sociopaths are often waiting for the perfect moment for this. Some are more patient than others, but when a sociopath sees their opportunity they take it without thoughts for the consequences. They are quite impulsive people. A lot of them use even stronger levels of seduction to draw the empath in even more, make them feel like they love them. I think they do this because this is their way IN, their way in to feeling some of the emotions themselves by stirring them up strongly in the empath.

ready to pounce

A lot of empaths who enter into relationships with a sociopath find themselves completely exhausted because the sociopath instinctively feeds off their emotional energies, subconsciously (although in some cases consciously) trying to fill the hole within themselves. It is often said that sociopaths are very closely related to emotional vampires or energy vampires. Since empaths are full of positive life force energy, this contributes to why they are extremely attractive to the energy vampire or sociopath. Energy vampires get a huge boost in energy from an empath, like no other person they can siphon energy or emotions from.

energy vampire (Movie: Lifeforce)

The next phase is usually GASLIGHTING which involves the sociopath discarding the empath once they’ve gotten what they wanted. Gaslighting is one of the worst experiences you can live through because it’s so confusing and makes you question your sanity and self worth. This phase usually involves some extremely staged behavior on the part of the sociopath to manipulate the empath, the situation and everyone around. And the empath is usually too innocent to know what’s going on immediately and falls for it all too. The empath feels rejected, humiliated and confused. Didn’t that person like me before? And, what did I do to deserve this? This is the phase that is so completely ENTERTAINING for the sociopath. They LOVE to watch their empath target squirm. They LOVE to watch as they manipulate everyone around them into believing it’s all the fault of the empath. They LOVE the feeling of absolute CONTROL they have over all the unsuspecting souls around them. It’s always quite masterfully pulled off like Machiavelli himself.


Next phase is the BIG REALIZATION after the empath looks back at everything and puts the puzzle pieces together they always realize how ruthlessly they were manipulated. Often, they try to tell others about what happened, but no one believes them because they have been fooled by the sociopath’s behavior. This contributes to the empath losing their sense of sanity. Now it’s not just the sociopath that is against them, it’s EVERYONE. Something has to give at this point and it is ALWAYS the empath who has to pay the ultimate price. They have to quit their job, leave their gym, cut back on interactions with the sociopath for their own levels of sanity.


This leads us to the end of the dance where the SOCIOPATH WINS. The sociopath always wins. AWLAYS. There is no way to defeat them, so strong is there desire for control, their impulsivity, their lack of fear exhibited in hurting and deceiving others. They will do anything to win. The empath is not like that at all, so it will always ALWAYS happen this way. And, the sooner you accept this, the sooner your mental anguish will fade. You just have to let it go.

So, what is an empath to do really?

The only thing we empaths can do is recognize the signs of a sociopath, follow our guts, STAY AWAY. We need to get VERY good at this and NEVER let our defenses down no matter what anyone says. We also need to understand how we are drawn to a sociopath and WHY. And why they are drawn to us. Don’t be fooled, don’t be drawn into the quiet and stillness or their seductive behaviors. This is not a love affair that needs to happen, it is a FATAL ATTRACTION that will always end in your demise.

122 thoughts on “The Dance – Sociopath and Empath

  1. Wonderful post, filled with sublime insight and telling truths, the truly great thing is that no evolving empath falls into a sociopaths trap again, especially once graduating through the entirely sick, yet utterly predicable and torturous experience. The first one rocks us to our core, the second one may hurt us so deeply that we feel we’ll never recover and so the pain goes on whilst diminishes all the while until we’re able to stand firm within our own personal power. Seeing those self serving monsters for what they really are and from a hundred yards too. Indeed a turning point in our own evolution where we choose never to allow such sick aliens into our life again, or those who refuse to heed our advice about the same, for forewarned is forearmed and I wrote an article about that some time ago, the result of the very last sick sociopath who will ever impose their sick agenda upon my overall well being. That said very big thank you for sharing your insight and a high five for learning your life lesson so well, albeit the hard way, sincere regard Barry

  2. Pingback: sigh … | My Blog

  3. No. The sociopath doesn’t win. The sociopath is empty inside and always will be. I don’t call that winning. While an empath can learn to build healthy walls to the world around them, and still keep the positive traits of empathy ; ).
    The empath may be hurt by a sociopath but ultimately ends up realizing how empty inside they are, then moves on and continues living and loving. There you go but that’s life and getting hurt and deceived happens to everyone, empaths not excluded.

    • Agreed…the most recent sociopath to infiltrate my life is gone, and I truly believe I’m stronger and more aware. However, this experience, has led me to isolate myself. I’m sure that will wear off when I head the calling to break out and serve with love again. :)

    • Wow this article really hits home with me! It all went down for me like this and I’d never heard of anything like this prior to this devestating experience of being gaslighted and losing many a supporter because they went along with the sociopaths . That part of the people who turn a blind eye and turn their back on you when they had liked you before was another so painful. It was almost more painfulthan the sociopaths demeaning treatment. Even though Im doing really well now this helps me to understand it wasnt about me at all. Sociopaths I think flock together and have other weak willed kinda crummy cronies to back them up and eitherparticipate in their sport or intentionally look the other way. Sort of a built in divide and conquer winning strategy and leave your concience at the door mentality . All I can say is take the experience as a learning teaching moment to allways surround yourself with high quality people with good morals and a loving heart. Don’t hang around defective people and think your love and kindness will rub off on them. It wont but their evil ways may rub off on you or try to destroy you.

    • True I dont think they win where it really matters. They may have some loyal side kicks but their own actual life is usually a wreckage or they dont have much of one. Ive also read that as they get middleaged or older their schemes usually dont work as well and they tend to be found out more and more. Eventually all the failed relationships and dysfunction pile up and show a life not lived well. But theyve got no one to blame but themselves and they know it or at least they should.

    • I don’t think they win either. Finding minions to gang up on one person is a weak manipulative tactic to hurt a good human being. That’s not winning it’s a weak manueve to boost their own insecure self. It’s all about them – keeping the focus off them and putting the empath in a bad light. The empath although attacked by many can still hold their head high as I have. Rising above the bullies is easy. Being your loving self will always bring the right people your way.

      • Thinking about right and wrong is just vindictive though. While you think that calling someone a “loser” will make you a winner, a true winner will accept that they themselves have lost and move on. By fixating on the idea that someone has to win and someone has to lose, you show how shallow and weak you are to those that trap you in their games. Empath or not, even an ordinary person like me can feel that.

        Then again, I guess staying true to yourself is the only thing anyone can do to reach happiness.

        It’s just sad that your true self seems to only be happy by walking on those you believe have stepped on you. Talk about call the kettle black. :S

        Regardless, have a good life I guess, whatever means and thoughts you decide to make it through with.

  4. I grow weary of all these sites suggesting we coddle and skirt around the sociopaths, narcissists, ad nauseam. I say expose them for what they are, show them no mercy, break them down and destroy them.

    • There’s nothing wrong with defending yourself and coming back at them swinging. Letting a few trusted people know what was done to you and warning them is good too. I definatly dont advise coddling them or keeping their nature a secret. Trust me they aren’t keeping your secrets to themselves. I would just say eventually a person needs to let it go and not let the betrays and backstabbing rule your existence and free yourself to be happy again with people who are good people and who truely love you.for you. Let karma do the rest. But I agree one does not have to be a passive victim and sometimes it helps to give them a taste of their own medicine and those who participate with them knowing its wrong and not caring enough to stop it. I agree with you and I was not able to take it completly lying down and I fought back .

  5. I am having no contact with my last spath. I do miss the quiet though. I can only sleep when he is here. I have another spath that is older, says he means me no harm, says he is a “protector.” I can only sleep around him to, but the silence with him is scary. The 1st doesnt know, or is not convinced he is an spath, the 2nd knows and is diagnosed.

  6. This article is spot on. The six stages of the dance sum up perfectly what I went through with ‘my’ sociopath. In the end I had to leave my home town and relocate elsewhere for 7 years.

    But now I return home & my sociopath is up to his old tricks again. It’s like when we first met! I have changed tactics and I am feeding him false information in order to keep him at bay but I need to know how to DEFEAT him!

    • Boundaries Cathy “Safe People” by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend. They have other books too, one on how to say “no” etc. The main thing is honor yourself, don’t do things you don’t want to or feel comfortable with, say no and mean it, don’t allow fear or intimidation to rule you, see the manipulation for what it is and say things like, “I don’t like what you are trying to do” he/she will say, “what are you talking about?” or argue with you, just say, ” I’m not going to argue with you and be done with the discussion. Don’t feed him/her by getting upset or expending energy in a unnecessary disagreement.

      • That sounds like excellent advise. In trying to be too kind youre not being kind to youself by allowing someone to treat you poorly and doing nothing about it. Or being too fearful of asking for what you need and want and riskingthe truth about sosomeone’s real intentions will only harm you in the long run. In other words you cant need people too badly and must be strong

  7. Interesting, but I disagree, I think an empath would have a more chance of winning if they used their brain, they have those too, you know. Empaths can read the lack of emotions I think the way people build love is by emotions. I don’t understand how an empath could be deceived by someone who they feel are putting on an act. I think sociopath loose because the empath knows what they are.

    • hello, my name is Lacey! I hope I can kind of answer the question on how can an empath be fooled if they really feel other people’emotion yet cannot detect or discern the narcissist psychopath sociopath name your poison personality basically I believe its never ever quiet everywhere we go we’re bombarded with all of this information and now you meet someone that has no emotions so when you’re around them as long as they’re not fighting evil at that very second because there are no emotions there sadly because there is no emotions it’s quiet and therefore we take that as some kind of Strange inept quizzical huh n pull and we don’t understand why were wanting to hang out with that person but I know her answer is correct I’ve been with him 20 years and I’m telling you seems it is just so so true but the evil times are hell on earth but remember you don’t feel the stocking or evil or plotting against you or disloyalty backstabbing and deception until that stage which is after the bondingbecause it’s when you fall in love with what you don’t know is not a peaceful person its just nothing and nothing To an empath can be like heaven at least for me anyways. ..I’m almost totally become agoraphobic

  8. What about the other sociopaths? The ones who aren’t quite so evil. Sociopaths aren’t vampires and they aren’t spiritual and supernatural the way empaths claim to be. They aren’t impulsive either, every move made by a sociopath has been thought over and over. The same conversations have been rehearsed internally differing slightly each time. By the time of the actual conversation or action, what seems like extreme impassivity is actually a practiced adaptability made to appear random with a dash of clever acting. I ask about the sociopath that uses their powers for good, if inadvertently. The sociopath you speak of is lower level, lower planning and small scale. The type you’re most likely to see. I’m also not saying “good” sociopaths are necessarily smarter either. I’m saying, NO ONE IS LOOKING FOR THEM. Try the decorated military general who has celebrated years of service and made harsh decisions in the line of duty with not so much as a batted eye. He’d say it was his duty, that he was always a righteous man. In truth he may have joined the military on a whim as a young regular sociopath but adapted to the rigid rules and climbed socially. That’s what we do, adapt and climb. We know right and wrong too, we understand them as social constructs. Meaningless and ever wavering as they are, they hold power so long as they prevail in the social consciousness. Only a stupid sociopath would think the ruled don’t apply to him. An intelligent one, which I don’t claim to be necessarily, has a firm grasp on the rules both written and unwritten. As the adage goes learn the rules before you break them. Even that doesn’t quite fit though, bend more so. A sociopath is not evil, they are opportunistic and contrary to popular belief we do not serve to look out only for our self all the time. At least not as straight forwardly as you put it. We look out only for OUR GOAL. It’s the availability bias that leads to the misconception, most people can spot a selfish person, a narcissist. Sometimes that’s not quite that cut and dry. For instance, my goal is to do nothing. To do whatever possible to live a life where I worry the least and work the least and enjoy my life the most. Unfortunately enjoyment is extremely fleeting for me. I get bored quickly of everything. So my goal is to leave, get as far from my family as possible. Long distance relationships with everyone, friends too. Now you’re saying “worry, friends, enjoyment” this isn’t right. Sociopaths do feel emotions. When we want to. We are human, we can just distance ourselves from emotions when they get too bothersome. By worry I guess I mean scheme, it’s hard and time consuming. I do it all day, I’d rather not but I need to to keep my life comfortable. Friends keep my life comfortable, provide me with new experiences, information, connections, knowledge and even support. My schemes fail sometimes, I’m not infallible and I need people who will give me new options when that happens, people to do work on my behalf as well. As for enjoyment, this is what makes people think we are so simple and rash, and admittedly why we can be; we can only truly enjoy things in the moment. It’s why we often discard people soon after use. That’s short sighted though. People are interesting things, multifaceted, multi-dimensional. If they are tools, then each is a unique Swiss army knife of utility. As for being a good sociopath, I think I am one, not because I care for people, but simply because I don’t ever believe that a person could be utterly useless. It’s the difference between planting your crops on the same land year after year until the land goes dry of nutrients and letting it fallow for a season so you may harvest and feast again. Now that I think of it, I do sound like a vampire. Well there are plenty off good vampires too right? At least on TV.

    • Hidden, that was very well put! I consider myself an Empath but always want to understand the sociopath as I don’t see them necessarily as my enemy or advisory. More like a teacher. Its as if Empaths and Sociopaths are two opposite sides of a whole trying to some how balance individually so we can come together collectively… Thank you for sharing!

  9. This article is spot on. I met someone whom I had amazing chemistry with and he was the most charming sociopath. He hurt me so badly, it took me more than 2 years to recover and get myself back together. I was emotionally drained and had to quit my job and take time off. However, if one survives this experience they will feel like a new person and be better and more balanced. I am a survivor. I feel joy every day…

  10. The sociopath does have empty eyes and lacks emotion. They are opportunistic and evil. Anyone that sets out to hurt another person is evil and by using others to hurt others is evil. The sociopath doesn’t win. They’re weak and lack any ability to love or live. They’ve lost then and there. Manipulates and forms fake relationships to get what they want and to coerce others to hurt and harass others. This is not an existence. I’m glad to be an empath that has true and valid relationships that are loving and have meaning. I care for people. A sociopath will never experience this – what a shallow existence.

    • You can sometimes catch their reptilian stare. But alot of times something eventually reveals itself that shows their self serving cruelty even though they will try to present themselves as very kind and giving. It takes me awhile to see it although to be honest I usually have a feeling in my gut. We tend to want to override that gut feeling when it wars with a charismatic or engaging charming persona thats reaching out to be your friend. When I was seperated from my husband I attracted these types like crazy male and female. I think thats the case whenever a person is lost and searching. A strong sense of self and I might add a loving watchful spouse is a great defense mechanism. I cant see myself now as being much use to a sociopath now. Thank God!

    • Boy you said it well! People who do this or support and participate in this are sick and twisted. Of course they’re not happy. Happy well adjusted peoole dont act like this. It would be a foreign concept to say the least. These are people who are damaged and defective. They deflect by damaging the reputation and charecter of those they have targeted and harmed. But eventually it all catches up with them. When their looks and vitality starts to fade they are left with nothing. No love, no self respect, no respect from others, no more people to use and demean. Its all over and nothing to be proud of or to have and to hold. On the other hand those of us who can love have real substancial relationships and famlies to love us back and be there for us. We dont have to rely on manipulation and winning because we have allready won.

  11. I resonate most with being a NPD but I find that narcissists are similar to sociopaths in a lot of ways. However I would say that I to can read thoughts of others, much like the empaths. Ive had many experiences that reflect the ones you listed above. Also, I am most attracted to those who label themselves as “healers” or empaths. My experience suggests that empaths and NPDs are equally manipulative in concerns to each other. The tactics may look different but they, at their root, are the same. The empath is just less likely to admit it because they are more afraid of how others perceive them.

    • This is so spot on. I’m an Empath and I’m a master manipulator. Learned it from the sociopath actually. I just use my manipulation for good. To make someone realize they love/care about me, or to heal them and lead them in the direction that I know is right.

      I don’t just admit it anonymously either, I will let it be known. I’m an Empath after all, which means I’m trained and alright with how people perceive me now. It took a while to get to that stage but I finally got there. The people close to me just see it as an innate ability that is very useful but do not like it being used against them. I always work with them if they feel I might be manipulative.

  12. I think I am at the end of one of these relationships. I feel so comfortable in this persons presence all the time, but have an uncomfortable feeling just before seeing or talking to him. The thing I don’t understand is the sensitivity with crying that he displays. Is this all a lie and can sociopaths fake that? He only does this when he drinks. I was very centered before I met him and now am all jittery and anxious. I am now in the process of breaking away from him. Will he let me go if I initiate it, or will he make my life more miserable before he does?

    • Sociopaths train themselves to mimic emotions, so yes they can fake crying if they’re good enough, but most of them aren’t. In fact, a lot of them suck at faking things which is why they target weaker people.

      It’s hard to answer your question. That all depends on your ability to break away from him. It honestly sounds like you can not if you plan on keeping him around despite feeling so awful.

      To me it’s this. If you don’t feel right, GET OUT. My advice on how to do this with a sociopath is just END IT. I don’t know what your case is but a good example would be to not argue things out and do what you know is right with something like “Listen, you don’t make me feel good and it’s just that simple. It’s over and I don’t want to ever see you again”. They might get mad, flip out and if they’re not the type of bloodlusting sociopath they’ll probably stay away from you. This person tries to get to you, DO NOT LET THEM NEAR YOU NO MATTER WHAT. If you’re positive this person lacks a conscience and is a sociopath, call the police. If you know this sociopath well enough to know they’d never risk any shit like that (because deep down, they’re really cowards), then by all means do it. That being said, I’m not sure I’d want to be near my sociopath at her highest anger over me. I am the only one that can effect her like that, and I don’t want to know the results so it will never get that far.

      If things were meant to be, they will happen and you will feel GOOD, not BAD. Feeling bad when they’re not around is, well, bad. If you can’t escape the feeling they leave you with (the i don’t give a fuck about you feeling we all know from sociopaths), then you need to break away for your own health. The reality is, they do give a fuck about you in their own way. Depending on where you feel the relationship is is how they feel about you on a hierarchical scale like; Girl #1, 2, 3 and so on. You know you’re close, you’re probably girl #1, 2 or possibly 3. I can live with it honestly, it does both me slightly but I know that since my sociopath might desire me wholly, I can play with her. Which is fun and creates an insanely romantic dynamic. (DISCLAIMER: not all sociopath relationships work like this).

  13. My mother, sister, and I are empaths. My mother us a very strong empath. She gets visions, strong feelings, those “voices” telling when to stay away or go on. My sister is also strong, but with a few rough edges. And then there’s me. I guess I’m the weakest of us, but it’s not that I can’t read people as well as my mother and sister. It’s that I always, ALWAYS try to “fix” the person I’m drawn to. Guess who I’m drawn to most often? Sociopaths. Guess who I’m in a relationship with right now? Yeah. I don’t know what to do about it. My mother says I need to get away, now. She says he feels empty, and that no matter what he’s telling me, he’ll always be empty. But I really… I don’t know. I don’t know what to do :( I know his “love” is false, I know he doesn’t really feel emotion, I know he’s manipulative, but my inability to read him, to tell his thoughts or feel his emotions is what keeps me attracted! I need another opinion.

    • Oh my, I had a dream about my grandma coming to me and warning me that I had to run away from the socio because he was going to make me much harm. I did not listen. It was and is my only socio partner I have had. I always knew something was wrong and i tried to end it too many times but he knew how to cry so well and how to beg perfectly I always took him back. In the end we had a nasty fight, I exposed him to his parents and one night I told him I could not take his aggression anymore so i left him in the middle of the road in the middle of the night under freezing temperatures. I am not sure if he won of if i did but I can assure he will remember me for a long time.

  14. I think my mother is a sociopath. Everything I am reading and everything I have experienced points to this and why ‘it’s’ not stopping, and why I can’t escape. I am leaving my hometown and moving to another country and I’m frightened for the first time in my life because I am alone now, with no family, thanks to my mother. I pleaded with her to tell me what I’ve done to her and I think I’ve come to realize that it’s hopeless. I have never ever experienced such limitless darkness and I have felt crazy thinking and feeling like she wants to kill me. This is a reality that is so impoverished and destructive. I just need to know that it’s impossible to fully drain an empath, because this has shattered me. And I need to know that it’s actually not me that’s the sociopath. I am just now starting to realize what’s happened and I have been too innocent, thinking her heart just needed to know my pain for us to move on, instead of her just having no love to give. That, I can feel compassion for, but why hurt someone so deeply, over and over again?

  15. Wow this article really hits home with me! It all went down for me like this and I’d never heard of anything like this prior to this devestating experience of being gaslighted and losing many a supporter because they went along with the sociopaths . That part of the people who turn a blind eye and turn their back on you when they had liked you before was another so painful. It was almost more painfulthan the sociopaths demeaning treatment. Even though Im doing really well now this helps me to understand it wasnt about me at all. Sociopaths I think flock together and have other weak willed kinda crummy cronies to back them up and eitherparticipate in their sport or intentionally look the other way. Sort of a built in divide and conquer winning strategy and leave your concience at the door mentality . All I can say is take the experience as a learning teaching moment to allways surround yourself with high quality people with good morals and a loving heart. Don’t hang around defective people and think your love and kindness will rub off on them. It wont but their evil ways may rub off on you or try to destroy you.

  16. I am so relieved to have read this article. I think I just had this very situation happen to me. Absurdly dead on. I am an empath and for that very reason I have drawn exactly these types of people to me, especially almost always a man. I have just finally gotten over the emotional turmoil, anguish and self questioning… Three long months of absolute pain and hell. NOW I KNOW, thank you do much.

  17. My older cousin is a 30 year old low-functioning sociopath who is targeting my terminally-ill papa (the only thing my dysfunctional family has in common is our love for this guy, he literally is the best.) My cousin on the other hand is the only one who refers to him as an old bastard (behind his back) and her sugar-daddy (gross and makes my skin crawl – he’s our grandpa!!) she has manipulated and guilt tripped him to feel sorry for her and now she’s moved into his house as of last week and has already since then caused chaos with my mums relationship with him and my mum was his main care-giver, even though my cousin moved into his home and even though my granddad is terminally sick, he has somehow ended up now being her care-giver. She moved into his house, for boasting rights and it sickens me to say that. She makes him feel guilty for having any joy in his relationships with others in the family or outside it even though we all avoid her and do not attack or try to provoke her. My cousin’s constant manipulation and lies are horrific, soul destroying to be honest, but it is somehow she is always the victim. I was suckered in throughout my teens and until my early 20’s and it was pretty similar to what she is doing to my papa now, we even lived together for a while (I won’t even get into the hell and lies/slander she put me through throughout this time and long before without me even realising) It wasn’t until my papa was rushed to hospital that I started to open my eyes, when we found she reacted coldly and had no concern for his well being as she was going to a nightclub that night. What followed was months of attacks, slander and her trying real hard to ruin my life and my reputation; she didn’t and I removed myself completely from the situation, but now it’s 5 years later and she has being doing to my papa what she done to me and he is now almost completely isolated from literally everyone in my family and like I said being the parasite she is, she has now moved into his home and I can no longer avoid her if I want to have my papa in my life, which I do; he is the most wonderful and sensitive man who is now a shadow of his former-self. I don’t know what to do, he’s so vulnerable and miserable, but I don’t know how or if I should even attempt to make him realise what she is and that she is the root cause, my mum is feeling suicidal because of it all and I’m at a loss. We don’t have much longer left with my papa and he deserves to have everyone he loves around him right now and not to be manipulated or made to feel guilty. I feel like I have to and really want to save him and make this better, but I’m so emotionally destroyed and frustrated as it’s seem’s near impossible. The whole thing is beyond heartbreaking and this is not even near the tip of iceberg of things she has done to hurt and destroy me (I was her target from childhood, she was really violent and malicious to me when we were children, then switched to manipulating me into a little follower as I became a teen all the while trying to hold me back as she pretended to have my back.) I also had to delete all my social media accounts as I found out last year she was using our other cousin’s accounts (which he allowed) to keep tabs/stalk my life and as I still have my a good/although not what it once was relationship with my paps she has started up the smear campaign again with the help of our 20 year old cousin and his girlfriend who I’ve never met, which is a hassle but I can deal and survive that, but not her targeting my papa, PLEASE ADVICE OR HELP IN ANYWAY! Thank you.

  18. I am a sociopath. I identify as a psychopath, but they are the same thing really. If you’d wanted to keep this blog a sociopath-free zone, sorry to disappoint; we are in fact everywhere. Of course, you could choose not to publish the comment but I believe what I have to say may be of interest to everyone here.

    First and foremost, I object to being told by people who cannot see inside my head (despite their claims of greater empathy) that I am a lizard, that I am a vampire, or something else inhuman. I object to being told I am empty and have no emotions, though I can see why people say such things. It’s very easy to distance yourself, to demonise, much harder to approach and attempt to understand, especially when they’re a strong chance the person you are attempting to understand wants to hurt you.

    I have an empath friend. Yes ‘friend’, not ‘target’ or ‘victim’. In fact it was she who directed me to this post. Obviously she thought it was accurate, including the emotional stillness that you talk about. Personally, I identify quite well with the part where you say “the sociopath is also attracted to the empath.”, though not quite for the reasons you state. We have emotions, they are blunted of course, but we have them. My empath’s emotional states are certainly what attracts me to her, as well as the fact that she can see right through me. I don’t need to deceive or manipulate as not only is it pointless (she knows), it is more valuable me to have one person with whom I can be honest and open. It is for this reason that, while I think your example of ‘the dance’ is accurate (I call it ‘the game’), that is not what I have planned for my friend.

    Actually, I hope that I do not have a draining effect on her. I do not see myself as an energy vampire, or whatever the term was, but I recognise people are often the worse for coming across me. I tell my friend about my exploits and plans, my thoughts and, for what they’re worth, my feelings. She knows stuff about me that no-one else does. My friend for her part is doing her best to make me a better person, encouraging me to hurt fewer people, tricking me into feeling empathy for others. Though there may be plenty of cynics out there, we have seen moderate early success.

    I’m not sure exactly where this post is going, or even if it has a destination, so let me just finish by saying that sociopath / empath interacton doesn’t have to be the way you describe. It is possible, however unlikely, to develop a friendship based on mutual understanding, truthfulness and – yes – sensible levels of cautiousness.

      • Hey! I made the post above, about being in a family of empaths, and having a sociopathic boyfriend. Our relationship sounds a lot like the one you have with your friend (and if your name isn’t fake, you both have the same name, haha). I just wanted to thank you for posting. We’ve been together for a long time now and even though we have our ups and downs, we help each other in a mutually beneficial way. Like you said, how she helps you in those ways, I do so with him. And he’s great at grounding me and keeping me level (I tend to rely TOO MUCH on my own abilities, and it puts me in situations that aren’t very good by normal standards). But anyway, I really don’ tknow where I’m going with this. But um, thank you.

      • I’m sorry?

        Judging by all those social media profiles, you’re just the sort of person who would have us all carted off to camps at the drop of a hat. Good luck with your petition, it’s failing badly.

      • Judging badly. I am not that sort of person. Psychopaths should not be carted off simply from a disorder. My view is that psychopathy should be identified for it’s limitations for employment, Just as color-blind people should not serve in certain capacities, psychopathy needs to be identified. Psychopathy need be a disqualification from national security clearance. My mission is to get psychopaths out of government since they can only be self-serving.

      • Your “mission”? Messiah complex or what? What you’re advocating is systematic discrimination, and taken to its extreme that will involve rolling out the cattle trucks. So you’ve identified all these psychopaths with your fMRI tests, what do you do then? Just turn them all free into the world? I don’t think so somehow.

        Forgive me for being hostile; I’d quite like a position in government myself and I always feel compelled to fight the injustice of your “mission”. But what did you mean, “nicely done”?

      • I understand your position of not wanting to be identified. Psychopaths have always been free. It is estimated that at 4% of population, that means 12 million psychopaths in the USA alone. You have always been here, and you always will be. There just needs to be complete awareness and a level playing field based on truthful disclosure.

        You don’t have the capacity to understand what is means to take something to heart, therefore the word mission has a hostile meaning to you. I am fighting for justice. I am fighting for openness and truth. You would like to hide, which is the opposite.

      • Nicely done means I liked your statement. There is no hidden meaning. I find that I need to explain these simple things to psychopaths because of their slanted view of the world. Is everyone against you? Probably because you are hiding, which is lying by omission, and that tends to hurt people eventually. People generally get upset and want to retaliate.

      • You talk to me with the same stupid sound bites that are littered all over your different websites. Are you a woman or a robot?

        Ooh, but the prejudice is showing through now, isn’t it? “slanted view of the world”, “you don’t have the capacity to understand”, “I understand your position of not wanting to be identified.” But you don’t accept that as my right.

        Psychopaths have been known about for a long time now; there is a ton of information out there, including your stuff, and random blogs like the one we’re on here. There is already a level playing field information-wise. If there are people who don’t know about us by now, they’re stupid. We don’t need fascist background checks.

        Now stop persecuting me like this. I don’t need your threats of exposure to know our days are numbered. I just want to be left alone, is that too much to ask?

      • Statement of fact is not bullying. Calling names is bullying. I did not react to your referring to my property as “stupid”. I can’t be emotionally manipulated, just like you.

        Your hostility is misdirected. I am one of the few people who identifies psychopaths and don’t want them locked up for no reason.

      • And dressing up your opinions as fact in order to victimise is bullying. I think you’re a psychopath. You are, aren’t you?

        But let’s not fight :) You’re gonna get me chucked off the blog, and while you might secretly like that, it would make me sad :( I think we can achieve something if we have a civil conversation. Hopefully you agree?

        OK, so I’m quite a bright boy, I know what fMRI scans are, so I understand your devious plan ;) But there remains a serious question, what do you do with the information you they give you? What becomes of the psychopaths once they have been identified? Your mission is pretty comprehensive, so I am sure you have already thought of that. You say you don’t want them locked up, but what do you do with a bunch of (famous – they’re politicians, so in the public eye) outed psychopaths.

        I hope we can discuss this like adults; no 5 year olds allowed!

      • I disagree with almost everything you’ve said, but I wanted to drop in to say that most of the government IS full of people who are incredibly self serving. Sociopaths aren’t the only beings who can be selfish. Why don’t we discriminate against everyone who shows selfishness, hmm? Your idealistic utopia would never exist. Discrimination would fix nothing.

        I understand your “justice” complex. I think most empaths have one, because it’s the only reasonable way we can justify our judgement. But I don’t think you’re an empath, from what you posted earlier (that silly link? I do most of those things. My boyfriend, on the other hand, only does one. You’re not identifying anyone with that nonsense). You want to think you have some superpower, some upper hand against the “enemy”, and I don’t see why?

        “I find that I need to explain these simple things to psychopaths because of their slanted view of the world. Is everyone against you?” — This is really offensive and unnecessary. He was going by your other comments (how to identify a sociopath? Hahahah, please…), not by that simple comment. You’re projecting your prejudice on him really hard. You have established ideas that are wrong, so stop pushing them on others.

        And no. Please don’t insult socio/psychopaths by saying they’re 5 years old emotionally. Emotions != empathy, and if you’re not intelligent enough to carry on such a discussion, I would prefer if you kept your misinformation to yourself.

      • Aww, shucks, shuielou. That was epic :D I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed somebody defend psychopaths like that before.

        Have to say, I certainly prefer your method for engaging us than Mrs Grumpy Boots’. I’m still interested to hear what she’s got to say though, so I hope you haven’t dealt her a critical blow to her confidence…

      • I made a list of dysfunctional habits. If you do those things, and you are not a psychopath, well, then you are toxic material. I am not insulting someone when I say they are five years old, intellectually or emotionally , if it is true.

      • Again, you’re presenting your opinion as fact. So I’m an intellectual 5 year old as well am I? Is that why you won’t engage in a proper discussion, you think I’m beneath your attention?

        You came up with a list of random behaviours yourself. Tell me, who qualified you as an authority on anything to do with psychopathy? If the answer is, as I suspect, “yourself”, then perhaps you ought to bow to my superior knowledge, through (very) personal experience, when I tell you that your list is utter rubbish.

      • Haha, don’t you think I know that? I am on here TALKING about being a psychopath, of COURSE the disorder is showing. Duhhhhh…

        I’m not the idiot you seem to think; I’m well aware that I’m interesting to you. Don’t think I’ve fit any of your list’s criteria yet though, have I? Though I should think a better use of your time might be to go and observe one of your relatives, or are they all in prison?

        We’re not playing any game, you’re just an idiot know-it-all who’s outstayed her welcome.

      • You put words in my mouth. I don’t think you are an idiot. I don’t have any respect for you, but that has more to do with your foul retorts. Again, you resort to trying to manipulate my emotions by name-calling, as you have likely used as a weapon on people your whole life. I am hip. I am gray rock.

      • I tried to be nice, but you wouldn’t play along :(

        True, you didn’t specifically call me an idiot, but I don’t know many 5 year olds who would qualify as anything but. You don’t need to tell me what techniques I’m using on you; I’m well aware since I’m doing them. I guess you’re so used to it by now, that’s why it doesn’t work. You’re fun, can we please be friends? :P

      • “Not enemies”? Result! Lol, I really don’t care. But you know that of course.

        With your latest reply to my good friend shuielou, I really think you might be a psychopath. Coming from me, that’s not an insult! If anything, it’s a compliment.

        Seriously, I want to have a conversation where neither of us trade any insults and are nothing but darlings to each. Let’s say 3 comments each. You be the judge as to whether this counts as my first :) If nothing else, you can take more notes for your blog or whatever.

      • The word psychopath should not be an insult or a bad word. It is too late, people have been calling others psycho to describe outbursts of violence. We need a new technical term for people who have no conscience. Do you have any suggestions?

      • I actually think “psychopath” is sufficient. Once people know what real psychopaths are, their ideas of psycho(tic) Norman Bates et al go out of their heads. Of course, the word sociopath exists too, but that has become a catch-all term for anybody who isn’t very nice. Other than that, we’ve got antisocial personality, the only clinical term in fact.

        But if you want a new term, you’d have to come up with a new word. The Soulless perhaps? The empathically undead? OK, I’m being pithy, but I do think the research community just needs to work with one of the three terms they’ve already got and cut out the two that only serve as superfluous distractions.

      • Please forgive me for skipping ahead to take another turn. I am interested in your work, and I realised that I came across your ‘how to’ article a couple of years ago. That made me initially think that you had just stolen the article and passed it off as your own work, but I have gone back and checked and that page does indeed link to your blog.

        The point I’m making, is you’re a pretty vocal figure online on the subject of psychopathy. As I already remarked, you have a lot of different social media, websites etc… You have put yourself ‘out there’ in a big way. But what you seem to lack is a big following. The White House petition has been signed by basically no-one, none of your recent blog posts have any comments, your Facebook page only has 1000 likes. It’s quite a modest return for so much exposure, is it not?

        Why do you think that is? What are you doing wrong? I promise I’m not being horrible. Just, what do you think? I’ll answer any question you give me if you can spare a thought for this conundrum.

      • I am very much of a “behind the scenes” type of person. People respond to imagery, video, and mass media. I have not made videos, yet. In addition, psychopathy is a very small percentage of the population, and people who have not experienced the unmasking of a psychopath have no way to comprehend my message. Therefore, my audience is limited. Of those people who understand what psychopathy is, they have their own unique life concerns, and don’t see the global impact of psychopathy on the environment and society. No matter how long it takes to get taken seriously, I have no plans to stop advocating awareness. I am not bothered by numbers of petition signers. I just want the information to be presented.

        Thanks for acknowledging my presence that was/is being built very slowly. I do what I do because I like to do it.

        Now, it sounds like you would had some thoughts on what I’m doing wrong. I am not offended. Please elaborate?

      • Oh, I’m not so sure I could help!

        Your audience shouldn’t be limited is the thing. Have you seen the size of sites such as Love Fraud, Psychopathy Awareness etc. Even if you are correct that only victims can truly empathise with your cause, there are millions of them out there. Where are your millions?

        There are two blogs I know of that are actually written by psychopaths. They are popular, they have been running for years, they always get some comments, often they get hundreds. I would say they have the ‘wow’ factor (morbid curiosity, whatever you’d like to call it) of actually having one of these people – one of us – writing down their thoughts unfiltered and truthful. I’ll tell you something that’s never been done: psychopaths and normal people collaborating on a project. If you could pull that off, that would be ‘wow’ factor.

        I haven’t delved much into your blog’s history, but all the recent stuff is very broad, highbrow, and long-winded. Nobody wants to read 20 paragraphs about Congress and food stamps and what not. People like the personal factor. Short, accessible articles that explain how and why an issue affects them personally. And if you really want to sell the political stuff, you should be prepared to do proportionately more human interest stories “I married a sociopath”; “How to deal with a narcissistic boss”; “Can a child be labelled a psychopath?” because that’s the sort of stupid gossip that people like. When you have a following, then you can tell them that their congressman is a maniac.

        I’m British by the way, I don’t really know what a congressman is :D

      • I hope you’re not just going to take my answer and run? Lol, after our turbulent relationship yesterday, we should celebrate respect and reconciliation :)

      • You mean, you’re in high demand at the minute? Or is this another of those incredibly simple sentences that psychopaths don’t get?

      • I don’t think they’re a psychopath. Maybe I’m biased, but all the psychopaths I’ve ever seen are actually intelligent, to a distinct degree. This person isn’t. They’re more likely narcissistic, if anything. But I’m just throwing out an opinion from this encounter alone, I know nothing from looking through their website, or anything else that would be a waste of my time.

        They sound like a child who thinks they have the answer to the mysteries of the world, and can tell how people are with their amazing gifts. It’s childish ideation at it’s most pathetic.

      • “I made a list of dysfunctional habits. If you do those things, and you are not a psychopath, well, then you are toxic material. I am not insulting someone when I say they are five years old, intellectually or emotionally , if it is true.”

        lol Nah. Those are really common habits. I change topic quickly in conversation, because I have a lot of thoughts and I express them indiscriminately. I ask my friends, “What would you do if I bought you a puppy?” not because I’m a sociopath, but because I want to know. This is literally normal, everyday action. You’re the only person with the mind of a five year old if you don’t have the cognitive function to realize that your projected delusions of reality are unfounded at best, and completely neurotic at worst. And no, that’s not a factual statement. You’re just filled with an unnatural level of unwarranted self importance.

      • You are not a good person. You support your boyfriend gaslighting unsuspecting victims just so he will leave you out of his boredom games . I will not cease my mission based on your sole skewed input, when I have tons of feedback from good people who appreciate my efforts.

      • Oooh, ignoring my critique for a personal attack! I expected it, but not so soon.

        I have nothing to do with his behavior. I don’t hold a controller that shuts off his personality, and I’m not stupid enough to assume I do. I take the lesser of two evils, and ask him to tone it down if he wants to stay on decent terms with me, and he does. If I told him to stop, he would say no, and continue as he did before. If I left him, he would have no reason not to adhere to my expectations. So, if I may be so bold? Yes. I am a good person. Because my influence lessens the amount of chaos he can cause as much as I am able.

        You, on the other hand, are just a self-righteous, pretentious fool suffering from the dunning kruger effect. You have no “mission”. You think your opinions actually matter, when you have no idea what reality actually entails. Which is somewhat embarrassing, although you’ll never be able to see it.

      • “empaths s’posed ta be luvlies~”
        Do you expect me to only be able to sing show tunes with forest creatures and substitute swear words with British desserts? Am I not being ~nice~ enough to be a real empath? :'((((

    • Hey, shuielo! You are more than welcome.

      It’s great to know there are others out there who can maintain a mutually-beneficial functional relationship. I suppose it helps that I am a rather pro-social sociopath (if that makes any sense, haha) in that I see co-operation is often the easiest way to get what I want.

      Yeah, my real name is James. Didn’ t you know every James is a psychopath :) There’s me, your boyfriend, James Bond… the list goes on!

      • That’s very similar to him. He’s pretty social and charismatic and he prefers that to make it easier to navigate society. He’s still terribly manipulative to others and even large groups of people (subtlety, of course), but he’s not as bad now that he’s with me. I sometimes feel badly for indirectly imposing my morals on to him (I accept him for how he is and I don’t try to change him, but I am uncomfortable with manipulation that very badly affects others and he knows that), but I give him enough space and try not to take everything to heart (which is a bit difficult. I’m a terrible empath, I’m like a sponge for the emotions of anyone around me). But yeah, it’s wonderful being mutually beneficial to one another. Overall, I’m so glad I met him. I think we both get a lot more out of a relationship with one another than if we were to date “normal” people.

      • This whole “accepting people as they are” thing is very interesting to me. I sometimes wonder if there is a place in society for sociopaths to exist openly. If there were more education and more acceptance, perhaps fewer people would get hurt. Despite that, I think people like you are still very much a – highly commendable – minority.

        So I’m interested in your relationship (just a little bit), if that’s okay with you. Your boyfriend doesn’t mistreat you in any way, despite carrying on business as usual with others (albeit to a lesser extent due to your improving influence)?

        For my part, I avoid doing anything to upset my friend, though I do like to test the boundaries – where there are any at all.

      • I hope I’m replying to this right! And yes, it’s alright :) It’s nice to be able to talk about it with someone who understands.

        No, he doesn’t mistreat me at all, though doesn’t take as much precaution with others in everyday life. But he’s not impulsive, so he doesn’t ever cause problems that he doesn’t feel is worth dealing with later. He still uses cognitive empathy to a point, but usually just as a means to get the reaction he wants, or to put someone at ease (like, if I’m depressed about something and he says, “I understand that this is hard for you to go through”, I know he doesn’t actually understand. But he’d rather respond that way and make me feel like he’s actually listening than say, “Oh. That’s not that interesting to me” while I’m feeling down. lol mostly because he’s learned that even though I accept his personality for what it is, I still don’t have the emotional stability to handle that when I’m down). Sometimes he “plays” with people just because he’s bored, and that’s what I’ve had to become comfortable with. Because if he doesn’t get out his boredom, he tends to be less patient with my emotional needs, if that makes any sense?

        He definitely avoids anything to upset me. If he did something and it upset me once, he’ll avoid doing it ever again until I say otherwise (which I found very odd? Because it just seems weird to think that what upset me at one time will always upset me, but maybe I’m just being irrational). He pushes the boundaries, but very slightly. I’ve had to deal with a sociopath before who wasn’t so benign, so he knows that if he shows any signs of manipulation or abuse, that I’ll just drop the whole thing on the spot (which I thought wouldn’t bother him, given the circumstances of his personality, but he values me as a friend and doesn’t like the idea of not having me around. I don’t know if it’s love, or him taking a liking for me, or just trust and respect? idk, he just says he trusts me more than anyone else, which I guess I can imagine in my mind is love?). But he doesn’t ever try anything shitty, cause it doesn’t work in his favor ever, and he’s had to learn to be very upfront with me while we’ve been together.

        Part of the reason I think I care so much about the upfront issue is because I can read most people to feel their personality and intentions, so I’m never really in the dark. But I can’t read him at all*, and he just feels quiet, so I appreciate him actually telling me things straight out than using deceptive language.

        *When I say I can’t read him, it’s more like… Let’s say There’s person A and person J(ames). If person A tells a lie, I can tell, and usually ballpark their reason and motive for lying (which is easy enough for most people). Person A also usually gives off certain body language cues that let me know how they’re feeling enough to hypothesize. But with person J, it’s not that easy. For him, it just feels off, something feels less natural, or the body language doesn’t add up at all (or just isn’t there). And that’s really all I can tell. But I can’t really tell anything else, and it makes me uncomfortable. This was more an issue early on in our relationship when he didn’t know I was an empath and I would call him out for lying about various things (which I guess I now realize was probably his way of testing the waters and seeing if I was easily manipulated, maybe?)

        Oh gosh, I’m sorry I wrote so much, and most of it was rambling.

      • There’s no wrong way to reply, you just write what you feel :) And no need to apologise for writing what’s on your mind, I can filter out the rambly stuff anyway ;) You will however forgive ME for not having the concentration to give a response as long and eloquent as yours!

        “He still uses cognitive empathy to a point, but usually just as a means to get the reaction he wants” – Yeah, even empathy has its uses, haha. There’s no wasted interaction with us.

        “Because if he doesn’t get out his boredom, he tends to be less patient with my emotional needs, if that makes any sense?” – certainly does. But one thing I’m unsure of, perhaps I misunderstood you. You let other people suffer at James’ hands for the sake of your own happiness, is that right?

        I wouldn’t equate trust with love. I trust my friend; I don’t love her. If you love someone, you trust them, but the reverse isn’t always true.

        Hopefully, you can also appreciate my bluntness. I have no wish to deceive, especially when I know my friend is watching this conversation, making sure I don’t act out, LOL :)

      • Haha, I just don’t mind being detailed because I never get to talk about this with anyone.

        “There’s no wasted interaction with us.” — Haha, we’re opposites in this regard, I guess. He’s constantly annoyed by how much time I’ll take out of my day or spend with certain people when I don’t want to and there’s nothing I’m getting out of it. The only time he does it is mainly for appearances, if he has to. But that feels so insincere to me… Not that you guys can help it! And he has to keep up a certain image, I know that. But I still get pouty if I ask him to hang out with a friend and I just because I like him around, and he says he has no reason to put the effort into forming any friendship with said person because it’s not necessary. :(

        “But one thing I’m unsure of, perhaps I misunderstood you. You let other people suffer at James’ hands for the sake of your own happiness, is that right?” — That’s such a blunt way to put it, but at the bare bones of the situation, I suppose I do. I have certain limits that I really dislike him doing, and we’ve discussed that before. But I know I can’t really control him, even if I wanted to. So he makes the decision to do what he wants. He doesn’t do heinous things, though. He knows I’m too lawful good for that lol

        “I wouldn’t equate trust with love. I trust my friend; I don’t love her. If you love someone, you trust them, but the reverse isn’t always true.” — This is also very true. But I guess, in my mind, that’s the closest ideal I can compare it to. I can’t really imagine not feeling empathy.

      • “Haha, I just don’t mind being detailed because I never get to talk about this with anyone.” So your James isn’t ‘out’ with anyone else then? I don’t blame him really.

        I have to agree with him that spending time with people you don’t like or don’t need is a waste.

        “That’s such a blunt way to put it” That’s the honest way to put it. I assume you don’t mind the bluntness and that you appreciate a similar forthrightness from your boyfriend. Isn’t that why you like him?

        May I please ask, beyond the obvious stuff like killing and other heinous crimes that run contrary to your lawful good alignment (nice phrasing, by the way!), what are the certain limits to what you’ll accept?

        “But I guess, in my mind, that’s the closest ideal I can compare it to.” That’s fair enough, and understandable. But trust is trust. It doesn’t need to be compared to anything.

        “I can’t really imagine not feeling empathy” Well that makes two of us then! Or rather, the reverse :) Nice talking to you, don’t feel obligated to keep replying. I’d be honoured if you did though.

      • Oh nooooooo. He’s not out to anyone. The only people who know are other empaths (which is limited to me, my mom, and one of his male friends). And he’s only told me. My mom felt it. And his male friend is just more observant than normal and noticed one of the times he was being a manipulative shit.

        Aw. I think everyone has something valuable to share, and I feel terrible if I let my own prejudice leave a person in need. Even if I don’t get anything out of it, I feel better knowing that I made someone fell better, or helped them pass the time. I do need to use my time on less people, though.

        Hahah, I don’t mind the bluntness at all! I just try not to think of it that way, or I feel really bad… But I know I can’t control him, and I don’t have a desire to. And he knows that I have certain limits. Um, I don’t like deceit, at all. And I don’t like manipulation where the person is hurt to a certain degree. Example, there was this girl who had a huge crush on him, and constantly let him know she was into him. He would do enough to keep her interest, but never actually bothered with her. After she got a boyfriend, he decided he would… I guess “court? (not quite the word, maybe)” this girl for like two months. She was obsessed with him, thought he was perfect, would do literally anything for him. And he told me all the things he could get her to do like it was funny, and I was just really disgusted. Then he just dropped her and went back to how he was before, except he would only hang around her when she was with her best friend at her house, because she was more comfortable telling the more “scandalous” things in her life. Every time, he’s bring a gossip friend of his who wasn’t friends with the girl, and he would obviously talk about it after. Idk, it’s not a big deal, but that’s one of the things that really bothered me. And another time when he manipulated an entire group of people to alienate this certain person he didn’t like through similar means. I just really don’t like that.. I don’t mind petty crime type things, cause he’s smart enough not to do anything he can get caught for. But harming people makes me sad :(

        Those were things he did when we were just starting out, and I let him know I didn’t like it and that we wouldn’t continue dating if he continued to do things like that.

        Yeah, trust is trust. I’ll just throw my love at his face.

        I don’t mind talking more at all! This is really nice, and you’re a cool person.

      • Ah excellent :) I’m so glad that I’m not the only one enjoying our conversation.

        “Even if I don’t get anything out of it, I feel better knowing that I made someone fell better, or helped them pass the time.” Then you do get something out of it! If helping people makes you happy then you should do it; I wouldn’t call that a waste at all. If you put it to James that way, he might understand. I do, so he should too.

        Thank you so much for sharing this information. What an insight into similar lives! It seems James and I share a sense of humour; I would act exactly like he did. And I’ve certainly scapegoated a person within a group like that before. But just to show we really are different people, I’m really not interested by gossip.

        “I let him know I didn’t like it and that we wouldn’t continue dating if he continued to do things like that.” You must be something special that he would stop, just like that. How impressive!

        “I’ll just throw my love at his face.” Haha! If you keep doing it you might erode him down so much that he does fall for you :D Hey, maybe that already happened and that’s why he stopped the games when you asked him to…

      • Oh, yeah! I haven’t really thought of trying to explain it that the person’s happiness is the reward. That sounds so cheesy lol but it’s true.

        You’re welcome! And yes, you guys seem pretty similar. He’s not a gossip himself, he just brought the gossip friend because he knew HE would gossip about her. He was testing the waters of how everyone else thought of her, but he didn’t want to do it himself, so he used the friend’s nature of being a gossip to do it for him and just listen in and get what he wants to hear. He does things like that a lot :( I mean, he can. It doesn’t actually hurt anyone. But it still feels iffy. And so meeeean, pulling strings for slight amusement, or information is so rudeeee.

        I’m not sure if I’m all that special. I know he hasn’t completely stopped, cause it’s his nature and it comes easily to him. But I’m glad that he at least doesn’t do things that are more hurtful.

        Well, it’s great now, how things are, too! I don’t mind if he doesn’t, cause I love him enough for us both.Plus, his

      • “Oh, yeah! I haven’t really thought of [that]” That’s what I’m here for, lol.

        I can’t really see why you’re uncomfortable with the little that he still does. I mean, you admit yourself that nobody gets hurt. How can something be mean or rude if the people don’t notice anything’s happening? Try to look at it this way: the other people aren’t any worse off for being played with a bit, but your boyfriend feels a lot better for being able to do it, and that has knock on benefits for your relationship. Looks like the good far outweighs the bad there :)

        “I’m not sure if I’m all that special.” Well either you’re seriously manipulative (getting him to mostly stop) or you mean a lot to him (he considers not upsetting you more important than much of his self-gratification). Either way, you’re special. Don’t be too modest!

        I kind of feel like you didn’t finish writing that comment, since it just sort of stops, but no worries.

      • Oh no, I didn’t realize I didn’t finish! I was saying, plus, his personality is something I love about him, so I wouldn’t want it to change.

        Lol I asked him and he said something along the lines of, “No, I understand, but self-sacrifice is unnecessary.” Not that I see it as a detriment on my end, but I guess he does. He’s good at getting me to see when I need to slow down, though. And at realizing that selfishness isn’t always something to feel guilty over.

        That’s a much better way to see it. And what they don’t know doesn’t really hurt them. It just feel so intrinsically bad! Kinda like lying. If you’re lying, even if the pros outweigh the cons, it’s still lying… Black and white thinking like that is foolish, I know. It’s just hard to unlearn things I’ve been conditioned to react to. He’s still getting used to opening up about things for that reason, and I try to put my silly misconceptions aside. Cause, no matter what I feel about him, hearing how he thinks and the way he plans things out is so interesting! He analyzes everything and he doesn’t do anything without having it all planned out. But even so, he doesn’t ever look suspicious or anything, and things always work out. It’s so cool! I guess I may do the same thing, but it’s not as calculated for me. He’s more of an actor, and I’m more of a reactor. I think most empaths are, since we have to feel the energy and mood first.

        Lol Empaths are pretty manipulative by nature, but the way I manipulate people doesn’t work on him, so I wouldn’t try that. But he does like me, for some reason, and he wants me to stay around with him. Maybe it’s because he can’t lower his mask around anyone else? Even with that one male friend who kinda knows, he isn’t really open about it with him. More like… I guess cautious would be the word. But I might also be downplaying his reasons. I wouldn’t want to ask lol it seems like it would be troublesome to justify your reasons for caring for someone.

      • Hmm, I thought so. Not to worry, mistakes happen!

        What is it that you love about him exactly? What do you like about his personality and what else attracts you to him? Sorry if that is forthright or too nosy; I don’t want you to feel pressured to answer anything you don’t want to answer :)

        Oh, so he doesn’t get it then. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t see the attraction of helping people like that either, but I do understand that you enjoy it (for some reason) and that’s why you do it.

        The way I see it, actions themselves (lying, manipulation etc) have no moral value – they’re not good or bad. What is important is the outcome.

        “Empaths are pretty manipulative by nature” I did not know that… how do you manipulate then? >:)

      • Anyway, I don’t think I’m going to be welcome on here much longer. Certain folks have got it in for us it seems! if you want to continue our conversation, you may email me:

        If not, it’s been a pleasure talking to you. I wish your relationship happiness and longevity :)

  19. Hi, I have just had this situation happen to me in a relationship, exactly as you describe, the emotional silence is blissful but there is still an ebb of energy from me to the “Sociopath” and a recognition that I am tired and drained. A suddenly cut off when I pointed out the truth and then an amazing lack of compassion or understanding of hurt or loss caused. Sociopath is a strong word, as my “non empath” works as a healer and can channel love! This surprised me too but the expression of the spirit seems to go beyond the experience of the heart and was an interesting way to mask the lack of inner experience or feeling, from my perspective as an empath.


    • Could you explain the last part a little bit? What do you mean by channeling love?
      And I’ve still not used to the energy-drain feeling. But I love the stillness. As an empath who hasn’t quite learned how to “close” herself off to unwanted emotional energy, being around my sociopath is a wonderful break, even if I know I’m funneling emotions into him in the process. It’s better than soaking them up like a sponge, anyway.

      I’m glad that there’s another person here who hasn’t had purely negative experiences with sociopaths.

  20. Yes I’ve learned my lesson, but… I defeated the last two socipaths in my life. I completely cut them off, no more source of anything for them. Not from me. & I don’t bother explaining anything to anybody including them.

  21. The Sociopath always wins.. don’t think so. They stay the same, how unfortunate.. after time away from my old sociopath, I felt reborn. I now know why I was meant to be with such a grand standing actor, to learn. I had to learn about different people and I’ve never really encountered a “legit” sociopath before. I’ll say this, it was the most exciting/boring relationship that I’v ever had. After awhile I just started to feel like he was “dead” on the inside. There was “nothing” really going on in his head at most times, and I’ll agree I liked the quiet.. I could get the same energy from a library without the psychic damage. I learned how to say no, I learned how to put up boundaries, but most importantly I learned that the love we are capable of giving to others, we give to ourselves. Poor sociopaths don’t have that to give, and it’s just a shame..for them.

    • I agree with this 100%. Thank you! I have grown a ton since I wrote this this blog as a result of what I went through (and it got way worse before it got better), but he is the same. I almost feel fortunate now to have had the experience in order to learn and grow. That is what life is for.

    • I really related to your comment C2theB. You could not be more spot on. I would have to say though for me it was never exciting, it was boring and lifeless and yes I could feel and sense the lack of emotion and deadness on the inside of the person I lived with for a short time. If you have enough time around a Sociopath you see who they really are. No one else will see it but you know and see them for who they really are. I agree they don’t win. There is nothing to win. They enjoy creating havoc and trying to ruin your reputation through various persons and means. It isn’t winning it’s just bully tactics which you’d expect to see come from a school yard not from an(apparent) adult. I have learned also and still learning my boundaries and recovering slowly but like you it is the love we give to ourselves that is most important in growing and being an authentic to ourselves. Thanks. :-)

    • To add to my last comment I read up on Antisocial Personality Disorder and it describes a lot of answers about abuse towards women. The man I lived with spoke very badly about one of the girls he dated and told me she was a nutcase. I think he did this so I would not like her and visa versa. A pathetic mind game of control between women he knew. I think it was a way of us turning on each other and believe the bull he told us. I am now of the belief and in no way believe or think she was ever the nutcase he told me she was.

      • “I think he did this so I would not like her and visa versa.” You better believe it. You also better believe that you will continue to be portrayed as a crazy ex probably without your knowledge for some time into the future.

  22. Pingback: Empaths: A turning point is when you stop allowing sociopaths into your life | Andrea de Michaelis

  23. Pingback: Empaths are Targets | Sociopathic Strategies

  24. Erm, as a psychologist I can tell you that this article is highly inaccurate. The type of person you are describing is not a sociopath and I have several patients diagnosed as sociopaths whom would be highly offended by this article.
    Sociopaths, I think you’ll find, do have emotions however they more than often struggle to understand the emotions of others which, to an idividual whom is none the wiser, can come across as selfishness, malice and indifference towards the feelings of others when in fact it’s a lack of empathy which causes this ill understanding. Also there is more than often a correlation between said lack of empathy and low brain activity in the areas associated with emotionally CONNECTING with others and social interaction.
    So to sum up they DO have emotions BUT struggle with connecting, understanding and interacting with the emotional states of others.

    • Sorry forgot to mention, the type of person you are actually describing is one with an extreme narcissistic personally.
      Narcissists and sociopaths are not the same thing.

  25. I’m 59. I was attacked 39 years ago by my husband’s sister-in-law. It started a month after we married and ended 14 years laters when I got therapy and “divorced myself from her”. But, it destroyed a part of me and made me vulnerable. Then, unbeknownst to me, I was attacked again four years later by another woman using my husband for bait. That attack lasted 20. 13 years into that attack the worst sociopath began her attack unbeknownst to me, again using my husband and also our adult children and grandchildren. That attack lasted 7 years. In spring 2013, I knew something was so wrong with my life, but couldn’t figure it out, so I started praying God would give me truth and finally 16 months ago my husband confessed what had been happening. The story is unbelievable and even more unbelievable is how God is guiding us in our recovery. Through that recovery I have discovered I am an empath. It feels good to know myself and I’m working on embracing that gift, but I do realize it makes my life harder in ways. I can’t believe there are people in the world who could be so cruel to each other. I could not do now to these women what they did to me bc it would hurt me too much to do that. But now I know and now I can protect myself. I’m teaching my kids and grandkids to recognize them bc at least four of my offspring are also empaths. I have also learned there are those who reside in the middle ground, apaths, who are used by sociopaths to target the empaths they cannot easily have access to or easily manipulate. I live in a small town. To say they win depends on how you define ‘win’. Yes they won bc there are people (apaths) who claimed to love and care for me, yet when they had to choose me or the sociopath they chose the sociopath. Bc of the severity of the attack I will no longer be associated with the sociopaths and the apaths they manipulate. This means cannot I go to church or club or do business with them. In a small town that is difficult; it means your life changes significantly bc you have to look elsewhere for social outlets. If you are tied financially to the location and leaving is not an option, you have a limited range of options and you will have to realize you will always run the risk of being involved with someone who will mention them in a positive way. That can send you crashing down. But slowly I’m seeing that I’m winning: I know myself now, I recognize “them”. I feel sure I’ll be able to shield myself for the rest of my life. It’s sad that I’m almost 60 and just learning this. But maybe my experience will help some of those younger have a better life than I did. The pain these three women caused destroyed the happiness I could have had. In recovery now my husband is finally seeing how he was used and how he helped cause a lot of pain. Together we are gaining what we always should have had – joy. Two books I recommend; healing the scars of emotional abuse by Gregory Jantz and the empathy trap by Dr. Jane McGregor and Tim McGregor.

  26. I feel I must agree with Maya O… This is epidemic. Since morality is failing in this country the sociopaths are out of control. I personally think there should be legal ramifications for the last one who targeted my family. The recovery has cost a fortune in counseling and my son and his wife had to start over on their careers bc they were working under her and her sister. I discovered she has done this to at least two other families and maybe there are four more who just don’t talk about it. I think she and the second one who targeted me should have had jail time. Their attacks were just as damaging to me as if I had been assaulted.

  27. There are also ppl who struggle with empathy for genetic reasons: for example people who have high functioning Aspergers and those who border on it bc they were parented by those with Aspergers and have low empathy levels either bc of genetics or were not able to be trained in those behaviors by parents who had the lack due to genetics. Empathy is genetically easier for some, but can be trained to a certain level. Sociopaths are not genetically challenged with empathy; they are created, usually by being seriously damaged in childhood. They “read” the emotions of others and use them against them because they once felt their own emotions and do actually understand emotions. They have closed themselves off emotionally and now harm in order to feel anything at all bc that is all they can feel. Those with genetic deficits in empathy do not have that ability. Those who genetically struggle with empathy are easily used by sociopaths to target the highly empathetic. The non-sociopaths who have low functioning empathy can also wound, but do not have the intent to harm that sociopaths do. Sociopaths harm because they were harmed. Perhaps the best thing that could happen to sociopaths is they be forced into therapy. I think they would learn how to be healed with themselves and stop harming others if they were.

  28. I had a similar experience.But I haven’t been really the greatest guy either.I was wronged,manipulated and cheated.But it wasn’t that terrible and because of his manipulation ,I have a pretty good life and his life looks pretty crummy.i found a beautiful wife and live in a beautiful house with a good job.Sometimes I think about revenge but realistically I ended up on top ..His evil devices are working somewhere but now I don’t care.

  29. Hi. I’m an empath in love with a sociopath. We’ve been together almost 9 years. He is my haven. He’s not an evil person. At least, not since he chose to change his life from chaos to a peaceful existence. That was after the 2nd time we met. The 3rd time, I told him he was mine & left my husband & life for him. I dreamt of him in my youth & drew pictures of him at an age he wasn’t yet at. The 1st time we met, he had a golden glow around him. I drew pictures of our souls entwined. He is my other half. I’ve never known peace & quiet quite like I have with him. He IS my protection & salvation. All others are fair game, but not me. I am the only one he places above himself. I am the only one who can make him feel, really feel, emotions. I’ve changed him. He sees the world through my eyes.
    However. I’ve seen what he is when the mask comes off. He is not the man I love & loves me back. He is rage. He is hate. He is evil. He is dangerous. I know to run at that moment. He does not recognize me then. Yes. He’s hurt me in the past. That was early on & he was still learning to be a good boyfriend. Something he had never ever been. He had never cared enough.
    I know who is he better than anyone. He feels shame. He feels remorse. He feels bad for the pain he caused me. He lives for my love & I live for his love. Ying & Yang.
    I’ve learned that not at sociopaths are evil. I do tend to attract them, because I can call them out on their manipulation & game. The evil ones will stalk me & try to punish me. I expose them for what they are. And I have a secret weapon. I have my own sociopath as my bodyguard.
    So. That’s my story of my dance with my sociopath dance partner. I would never dance with another.

  30. I met one of these. I actually had a very clear warning pop up: “If you ever talk to him, everything will change.” I worked with him. I noticed that I could pick him out of a room easily. I thought it was his particular energy, but I think it was more of his lack of it. I noticed much later that his upper chakras don’t work. We became friends two years after the warning. He asked me out, and I said no, continually, but he kept trying to break my boundaries. I was dating someone else and not single at all, and I didn’t find him attractive. As time went on, I believe that he began to suck my energy. It was to a point where I was drained, and he was becoming nicer and more cheerful, and so very charismatic. It was like he was blossoming with my energy. I didn’t know it at the time, but I now know it to be true. He would come to me in dreams and joined with my chakras in one of them. We were “soul mates” supposedly. I fell in love because he became wonderful after he had my energy. I came to somehow believe him. He told me that he was condemned to be all alone because his development was not as mature as it should have been (he had brain cancer at age 14) so no one would date him. He told me about his alcoholic father, his controlling mother, how awful his life was. I started to fall in love with him and left my significan other for him. I moved in with him and we lived together for two weeks. He tried to control everything I did. One night I would not be with him physically and he grew angry and upset. I told him the next day that trying to control me would never work. He dumped me two days later. He acted upset at first at dumping me but later he smiled when he saw me crying at work. I finally figured out that something was wrong with him. It was creepy and his eyes looked like shark eyes – menacing and evil. Ever since he has come to me in dreams and tried to take my energy and I have to carry rocks with me, do energy healings and reiki work to keep him from me. It has been a terrible experience. Be very, very careful if you are an empath. Trust your gut instincts, always.

Leave a reply.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s